Awkard Steps into Tomorrow

I am still not sure what I am supposed to say here. . I am not sure if anyone can understand the depth of my pain. . you all know "Sybil Starr," but "Joe" loved "me." We were married in 1997.  Just young pups with no clue.  I was a horrid wife and he failed me as a husband more times than I could count. . .   we finally divorced and then there were no more real problems between us. . I knew him better than anyone, as he knew me, and we became best friends, watching out for each other, encouraging and loving one another.  When I blew out my knee, he was my nurse, when he blew out his, I got his groceries for him. If I needed advice I asked him, if he was having a hard go he would come to me for help. When I had surgery, he was at my bedside.  When I had no place to live he always offered me his couch. . and I did take him up on it more than once. .  .  we "held each others arms up" as my dear friend Amy has taught me to say. . . . and now he is gone. . . and my heart lies in pieces. . this man was my family. . . he was an amazing artist and martial artist.  An amazing actor and an all around great guy. . . he always took time to help me. . he chose to spend most nights at my house with me. . sometimes still just talking and being stupid together until the wee hours of the morning. . . I can't believe we will never have those talks again. . I hurt so bad and I want him back. .