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Thursday, February 26, 2015

The Queen of Tights vs The Baroness

The Queen of Tights vs. The Baroness

The characters in this video are Baroness Helga,  and Carol Ann, The Queen of Tights, played, of course, by Sybil.
The video opens showing only Helga, who is dressed in a black, military-style outfit, with shiny black tights and high heels.
Showing her sitting down, her legs crossed, we see Helga on a cellphone.
"Yes, Baron, everything is finished. Thanks to the money we robbed from that silly American bank I am now wearing my new, super-powered German black fighting tights that will give me the strength and power to be the world's greatest catfighter. Women all across the world will bow before the strength and beauty of me and my Valkyries. With these tights I will crush any women who dares to stand in our way. The Motherland will rule supreme once again thanks to my tights."
Off screen, we hear "Motherland? Get real sister. If you're looking for the world's best fighting tights and fighting women, it's Michigan in the good old U.S. of A. where you'll find them."
Helga then says into the phone, "I have a slight matter to deal with here. I will call you right back," as she hangs up and puts it down.
She stands up, looks off camera and says, "Who are you and how dare you enter my fortress."
Now the camera cuts, it begins at the feet and pans up. It shows The Queen in her red high heels, ruby red fighting tights, and an American flag bikini instead of her trademark Ninja Queen outfit.
She has her hands on her hips and confidently replies, "I'm Carol Ann. The Queen of Tights. The CIA has asked me to put your operation out of business once and for all."
Helga starts to laugh and says, "You, a puny American with those pitiful tights and ugly legs, are going to stop the world's sexiest catfighter and her Valkyries? Oh that is so funny!"
"Valkyries? Are they all those blondes dressed in black tights I met downstairs?" The Queen says.
"Yes," a curious Helga says.
A taunting Queen then says, "Oh yes, they were all in black when I came in and now they're black and blue and unconscious, piled together with their ripped tights in your gym."
"What?" Helga screams.
"And you can join them," The Queen continues, "unless you decide to decide to surrender and come along peacefully, sparring yourself a humiliating ass kicking."
Helga starts to laugh again, and says "You are going to kick my ass! My super-toned German ass?"
The Queen says, "I'm going to kick your fat ass, destroy those rags you call tights and leave you in so much pain that while you spend the next 10 years in jail you'll never even think of fighting an American woman again."
A stern Helga replies, "Do you dare to battle me in Karate, you American slut?"
The Queen says, "I thought you'd never ask."
The women then bow and for the next 30 seconds exchange karate chops. Helga then hits Carol Ann in the neck, knocking her down.
Laughing over her sprawled foe, Helga cackles, "I can't believe An American Queen with those feeble legs would think she could beat a regal German Baroness and her magnificent legs."
The Queen then gets up and says, "In America we generally wait until the fight is over to laugh, Baroness."
Helga charges The Queen, but this time Carol Ann blocks several blows and when Helga swings and misses at the The Queen, Carol chops her in the neck. Then she pours it on with several unanswered blows that floors The Baroness.
The Baroness hits the ground and her eyes shut.
Standing over her, hands on hips, The Queen says "My how the mighty have fallen."
Carol Ann then walks over puts her leg on The Baroness' chest and counts to 10.
She then kicks her on her side as the Baroness rolls away.
"Your karate sucks Broomhilda," The Queen says.
Helga gets up and says "The name's Baroness and I'm better at wrestling."
Helga charges at The Queen and they lock hands for a test of strength. Helga wins the test of strength and begins to cackle in delight. She starts to overpower The Queen, she attacks her legs and puts her in a couple of scissors.
She wraps up the Queen for a pin, but can only get to two before The Queen gets out.
Then she puts The Queen in a camel clutch and demands "Will you surrender."
"Not to a miserable cunt like you," The Queen replies. The Queen breaks out of the hold and dominates the Baroness. She tortures the Baroness with a couple of scissors and then a few painful leg holds. After putting her in an airplane spin, she drops her and hits her with a leg drop across the chest. The Queen hooks The Baroness' legs and counts to three for a pin.
The Queen gets up, hands on her hips, looks down at the moaning Baroness and says, "You're wrestling's not too good either, blondie. Is there anything you can do well?"
The Baroness gets up and again tries to attack.
"I'm best of all at kick boxing," The Baroness says.
A tired and dazed Baroness goes after the Queen with a series of punches and kicks, but fails to land a single blow. After she misses one punch and leaves her back exposed, The Queen smashes her in the kidneys as The Baroness grabs her back in pain.
"If you were trying to knock me out, let me show you what you should have done," The Queen says.
The Queen then pummels The Baroness' body with piston-like blows to the mid-section. She kicks her in both ribs and then hits her with 5 straight punches to the punches to the face. The Baroness is out on her feet with her hands down at her side.
"Now let me show you who has the better legs and tights," The Queen says just before she hits The Baroness with a kick to a face that knocks the German woman down and out.
Again Carol Ann plants her leg on The Baroness' chest, flexes her muscles and counts her out.
She then stands over the KO'd Woman, wipes her hands and says, "So much for Germany's best."
Then The Queen hears The Baroness' cell phone ring. She struts over, picks it up and says, "Hello …Why this Carol Ann, the Queen of Tights, and the woman who kicked the ass of your wife all over this fortress. She can't talk now, but you can visit her on weekends at the federal prison. Bye, bye, sweetie."
Carol Ann puts down the phone and walks back over to Helga, who is kneeling with her hands up begging for mercy.
"Please, Carol Ann, don't hurt me any more," she says.
Carol Ann proudly poses with her hands on her hips and says, "Well, if you want to surrender …"
Here Helga hits The Queen with a low blow to the crown jewels, followed by second punch and then a crotch grab. She then rises, pulls The Queen down by her hair and knees her in the face. Then she begins to pound her with punches and kicks and knocks her down. She then puts her in a few painful holds and then shouts out her superiority as she sits on The Queen's face and knocks her out.
Certain that she's won, she gets up and grabs the Queen's legs.
"Now to destroy these legs and tights once and for all with my unbreakable figure four. Helga then applies a figure four as the Queen groans. After 30 seconds, she releases the hold and says, "Let's see how those legs look now."
Picking up a leg, she sees no damage to the ruby red tights and says, "How could this be?"
"Easy, you cheating bitch," The Queen replies as she kicks away Helga and gets up, "you're not woman enough to rip my tights. C'mon blondie let's finish this."
"Gladly," Helga says as she charges at The Queen, but her attempts to hit The Queen are blocked and after the Queen avoids an uppercut she tears into Helga and batters her with unanswered blows. Helga goes down and The Queen hits her with a leg drop and then a layover leg lock chin lock to punish her.
The Queen then puts Helga in a Boston Crab and demands that she submit. Helga quickly taps out, saying "I give, I give. You're the better woman, Carol Ann."
The Queen then releases the hold and then looks down and laughs as she points out a run in Helga's tights. "As they say, dearie, one good run deserves another," The Queen says as she attacks Helga's legs and completely destroys her tights.
When she's done, The Queen says, "Besides you catfighting, your tights suck, too, bitch and it's time you showed the proper respect for the better woman and tights."
Helga then crawls over to The Queen and begins to kiss her tights and heels and says, "I give up Queen Carol Ann. You are the better. I'll never challenge you again."
The Queen then says, "Well that sounds sincere, but you still have some jail time ahead of you blondie and have all the damage I did to your legs it wouldn't be fair of me to make you so, so let me prepare for you for your trip."
Carol Ann then applies her finisher on Helga, wrapping her leg around the Baroness's neck and choking her out as she tells her, "You know, Broomhilda, I hate blonde hussies, but I really hate blonde German blonde hussies who think they can rule the world. Tough break for you, isn't it sweetie?"
When she's done, The Queen rises, picks up Helga, folds her over her shoulder and says, "Dumb Baroness, she should have know she's no match for a Queen, especially The Queen of Tights."
The Queen then turns and walks away with The Baroness draped over her shoulder, the camera goes off showing The Queen's back as she walk away with The Baroness' head and upper body hanging down.
THE END




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